mbraced； and first mary and then will stepped through the last window； back into their own world； in the shade of the trees of the botanic garden。
being cheerful starts now； will thought as hard as he could； but it was like trying to hold a fighting wolf still in his arms when it wanted to claw at his face and tear out his throat； nevertheless； he did it； and he thought no one could see the effort it cost him。
and he knew that lyra was doing the same； and that the tightness and strain in her smile were the signs of it。
nevertheless； she smiled。
one last kiss； rushed and clumsy so that they banged cheekbones； and a tear from her eye was transferred to his face； their two daemons kissed farewell； and pantalaimon flowed over the threshold and up into lyras arms； and then will began to close the window； and then it was done； the way was closed； lyra was gone。
〃now。。。” he said； trying to sound matter…of…fact； but having to turn away from mary all the same； 〃ive got to break the knife。〃
he searched the air in the familiar way until he found a gap； and tried to bring to mind just what had happened before。 he had been about to cut a way out of the cave； and mrs。 coulter had suddenly and unaccountably reminded him of his mother； and the knife had broken because； he thought； it had at last met something it couldnt cut； and that was his love for her。
so he tried it now； summoning an image of his mothers face as hed last seen her； fearful and distracted in mrs。 coopers little hallway。
but it didnt work。 the knife cut easily through the air and opened into a world where they were having a rainstorm： heavy drops hurtled through； startling them both。 he closed it again quickly and stood puzzled for a moment。
his daemon knew what he should do； and said simply； 〃lyra。〃
of course。 he nodded； and with the knife in his right hand； he pressed with his left the spot where her tear still lay on his cheek。
and this time； with a wrenching crack； the knife shattered and the blade fell in pieces to the ground； to glitter on the stones that were still wet with the rain of another universe。
will knelt to pick them up carefully； kirjava with her cat eyes helping to find them all。
mary was shouldering her rucksack。
〃well；〃 she said； 〃well； listen now； will。 weve hardly spoken； you and i。。。so were still strangers； largely。 but serafina pekkala and i made a promise to each other； and i made a promise to lyra just now； and even if i hadnt made any other promises； id make a promise to you about the same thing； which is that if youll let me； ill be your friend for the rest of our lives。 were both on our own； and i reckon we could both do with that sort of。。。 what i mean to say is； there isnt anyone else we can talk to about all this； except each other。。。and weve both got to get used to living with our daemons； too。。。and were both in trouble； and if that doesnt give us something in mon； i dont know what will。〃
〃youre in trouble？〃 said will； looking at her。 her open； friendly； clever face looked back directly。
〃well； i smashed up some property in the lab before i left； and i forged an identity card； and。。。its nothing we cant deal with。 and your trouble； we can deal with that； too。 we can find your mother and get her some proper treatment。 and if you need somewhere to live； well； if you wouldnt mind living with me； if we can arrange that； then you wont have to go into； whatever they call it； into care。 i mean； well have to decide on a story and stick to it； but we could do that； couldnt we？〃
mary was a friend。 he had a friend。 it was true。 hed never thought of that。
〃yes！〃 he said。
〃well； lets do it。 my flats about half a mile away； and you know what id like most of all in the world？ id like a cup of tea。 e on； lets go and put the kettle on。〃
three weeks after the moment lyra had watched wills hand closing his world away forever； she found herself seated once more at that dinner table in jordan college where she had first fallen under the spell of mrs。 coulter。
this time it was a smaller party： just herself and the master and dame hannah relf； the head of st。 sophias； one of the womens colleges。 dame hannah had been at that first dinner； too； and if lyra was surprised to see her here now； she greeted her politely； and found that her memory was at fault： for this dame hannah was much cleverer； and more interesting； and kindlier by far than the dim and frumpy person she remembered。
all kinds of things had happened while lyra was away； to jordan college； to england； to the whole world。 it seemed that the power of the church had increased greatly； and that many brutal laws had been passed； but that the power had waned as quickly as it had grown： upheavals in the magisterium had toppled the zealots and brought more liberal factions into power。 the general oblation board had been dissolved； the consistorial court of discipline was confused and leaderless。
and the colleges of oxford； after a brief and turbulent interlude； were settling back into the calm of scholarship and ritual。 some things had gone： the masters valuable collection of silver had been looted； some college servants had vanished。 the masters manservant； cousins； was still in place； however； and lyra had been ready to meet his hostility with defiance； for they had been enemies as long as she could remember。 she was quite taken aback when he greeted her so warmly and shook her hand with both of his： was that affection in his voice？ well； he had changed。
during dinner the master and dame hannah talked of what had happened in lyras absence； and she listened in dismay； or sorrow； or wonder。 when they withdrew to his sitting room for coffee； the master said：
〃now； lyra； weve hardly heard from you。 but i know youve seen many things。 are you able to tell us something of what youve experienced？〃
〃yes；〃 she said。 〃but not all at once。 i dont understand some of it； and some makes me shudder and cry still； but i will tell you； i promise； as much as i can。 only you have to promise something； too。〃
the master looked at the gray…haired lady with the marmoset daemon in her lap； and a flicker of amusement passed between them。
〃whats that？〃 said dame hannah。
〃you have to promise to believe me；〃 lyra said seriously。 〃i know i havent always told the truth； and i could only survive in some places by telling lies and making up stories。 so i know thats what ive been like； and i know you know it； but my true storys too important for me to tell if youre only going to believe half of it。 so i promise to tell the truth； if you promise to believe it。〃
〃well； i promise；〃 said dame hannah。
the master said； 〃and so do i。〃
〃but you know the thing i wish；〃 lyra said； 〃almost； almost more than anything else？ i wish i hadnt
lost the way of reading the alethiometer。 oh； it was so strange； master； how it came in the first place and then just left！ one day i knew it so well； i could move up and down the symbol meanings and step from one to another and make all the connections； it was like。。。〃 she smiled； and went on； 〃well； i was like a monkey in the trees； it was so quick。 then suddenly； nothing。 none of it made sense； i couldnt even remember anything except just basic meanings； like the anchor means hope and the skull means death。 all those thousands of meanings。。。gone。〃
〃theyre not gone； though； lyra；〃 said dame hannah。 〃the books are still in bodleys library。 the scholarship to study them is alive and well。〃
dame hannah was sitting opposite the master in one of the two armchairs beside the fireplace； lyra on the sofa between them。 the lamp by the masters chair was all the light there was； but it showed the expressions of the two old people clearly。 and it was dame hannahs face that lyra found herself studying。 kindly； lyra thought； and sharp； and wise； but she could no more read what it meant than she could read the alethiometer。
〃well； now；〃 the master went on。 〃we must think about your future； lyra。〃
his words made her shiver。 she gathered herself and sat up。
〃all the time i was away；〃 lyra said； 〃i never thought about that。 all i thought about was just the time i was in； just the present。 there were plenty of times when i thought i didnt have a future at all。 and now。。。 well； suddenly finding ive got a whole life to live； but no。。。but no idea what to do with it； well； its like having the alethiometer but no idea how to read it。 i suppose ill have to work； but i dont know at what。 my parents are probably rich； but i bet they never thought of putting any money aside for me。 and anyway； i think they must have used all their money up by now； so even if i did have a claim on it； there wouldnt be any left。 i dont know； master。 i came back to jordan because this used to be my home； and i didnt have anywhere else to go。 i think king iorek byrnison would let me live on svalbard； and i think serafina pekkala would let me live with her witch clan； but im not a bear and im not a witch； so i wouldnt really fit in there； much as i love them。 maybe the gyptians would take me in。。。but really i dont know what to do anymore。 im lost； really； now。〃
they looked at her： her eyes were glittering more than usual； her chin was held high with a look shed le