THE AMBER SPYGLASS- 第52部分

〃my　heart；　will。。。〃　she　groaned；　and　clung　to　him；　her　wet　face　contorted　with　pain。

and　thus　the　prophecy　that　the　master　of　jordan　college　had　made　to　the　librarian；　that　lyra　would　make　a　great　betrayal　and　it　would　hurt　her　terribly；　was　fulfilled。

but　will；　too；　found　an　agony　building　inside　him；　and　through　the　pain　he　saw　that　the　two　gallivespians；　clinging　together　just　as　he　and　lyra　were　doing；　were　moved　by　the　same　anguish。

part　of　it　was　physical。　it　felt　as　if　an　iron　hand　had　gripped　his　heart　and　was　pulling　it　out　between　his　ribs；　so　that　he　pressed　his　hands　to　the　place　and　vainly　tried　to　hold　it　in。　it　was　far　deeper　and　far　worse　than　the　pain　of　losing　his　fingers。　but　it　was　mental；　too：　something　secret　and　private　was　being　dragged　into　the　open；　where　it　had　no　wish　to　be；　and　will　was　nearly　overe　by　a　mixture　of　pain　and　shame　and　fear　and　self…reproach；　because　he　himself　had　caused　it。

and　it　was　worse　than　that。　it　was　as　if　hed　said；　〃no；　dont　kill　me；　im　frightened；　kill　my　mother　instead；　she　doesnt　matter；　i　dont　love　her；〃　and　as　if　shed　heard　him　say　it；　and　pretended　she　hadnt　so　as　to　spare　his　feelings；　and　offered　herself　in　his　place　anyway　because　of　her　love　for　him。　he　felt　as　bad　as　that。　there　was　nothing　worse　to　feel。

so　will　knew　that　all　those　things　were　part　of　having　a　daemon；　and　that　whatever　his　daemon　was；　she；　too；　was　left　behind；　with　pantalaimon；　on　that　poisoned　and　desolate　shore。　the　thought　came　to　will　and　lyra　at　the　same　moment；　and　they　exchanged　a　tear…filled　glance。　and　for　the　second　time　in　their　lives；　hut　not　the　last；　each　of　them　saw　their　own　expression　on　the　others　face。

only　the　boatman　and　the　dragonflies　seemed　indifferent　to　the　journey　they　were　making。　the　great　insects　were　fully　alive　and　bright　with　beauty　even　in　the　clinging　mist；　shaking　their　filmy　wings　to　dislodge　the　moisture；　and　the　old　man　in　his　sacking　robe　leaned　forward　and　back；　forward　and　back；　bracing　his　bare　feet　against　the　slime…puddled　floor。

the　journey　lasted　longer　than　lyra　wanted　to　measure。　though　part　of　her　was　raw　with　anguish；　imagining　pantalaimon　abandoned　on　the　shore；　another　part　was　adjusting　to　the　pain；　measuring　her　own　strength；　curious　to　see　what　would　happen　and　where　they　would　land。

wills　arm　was　strong　around　her；　but　he；　too；　was　looking　ahead；　trying　to　peer　through　the　wet　gray　gloom　and　to　hear　anything　other　than　the　dank　splash　of　the　oars。　and　presently　something　did　change：　a　cliff　or　an　island　lay　ahead　of　them。　they　heard　the　enclosing　of　the　sound　before　they　saw　the　mist　darken。

the　boatman　pulled　on　one　oar　to　turn　the　boat　a　little　to　the　left。

〃where　are　we？〃　said　the　voice　of　the　chevalier　tialys；　small　but　strong　as　ever；　though　there　was　a　harsh　edge　to　it；　as　if　he；　too；　had　been　suffering　pain。

〃near　the　island；〃　said　the　boatman。　〃another　five　minutes；　well　be　at　the　landing　stage。〃

〃what　island？〃　said　will。　he　found　his　own　voice　strained；　too；　so　tight　it　hardly　seemed　his。

〃the　gate　to　the　land　of　the　dead　is　on　this　island；〃　said　the　boatman。　〃everyone　es　here；　kings；　queens；　murderers；　poets；　children；　everyone　es　this　way；　and　none　e　back。〃

〃we　shall　e　back；〃　whispered　lyra　fiercely。

he　said　nothing；　but　his　ancient　eyes　were　full　of　pity。

as　they　moved　closer；　they　could　see　branches　of　cypress　and　yew　hanging　down　low　over　the　water；　dark　green；　dense；　and　gloomy。　the　land　rose　steeply；　and　the　trees　grew　so　thickly　that　hardly　a　ferret　could　slip　between　them；　and　at　that　thought　lyra　gave　a　little　half…hiccup…half…sob；　for　pan　would　have　shown　her　how　well　he　could　do　it；　but　not　now；　maybe　not　ever　again。

〃are　we　dead　now？〃　will　said　to　the　boatman。

〃makes　no　difference；〃　he　said。　〃theres　some　that　came　here　never　believing　they　were　dead。　they　insisted　all　the　way　that　they　were　alive；　it　was　a　mistake；　someone　would　have　to　pay；　made　no　difference。　theres　others　who　longed　to　be　dead　when　they　were　alive；　poor　souls；　lives　full　of　pain　or　misery；　killed　themselves　for　a　chance　of　a　blessed　rest；　and　found　that　nothing　had　changed　except　for　the　worse；　and　this　time　there　was　no　escape；　you　cant　make　yourself　alive　again。　and　theres　been　others　so　frail　and　sickly；　little　infants；　sometimes；　that　theyre　scarcely　born　into　the　living　before　they　e　down　to　the　dead。　ive　rowed　this　boat　with　a　little　crying　baby　on　my　lap　many；　many　times；　that　never　knew　the　difference

between　up　there　and　down　here。　and　old　folk；　too；　the　rich　ones　are　the　worst；　snarling　and　savage　and　cursing　me；　railing　and　screaming：　what　did　i　think　i　was？　hadnt　they　gathered　and　saved　all　the　gold　they　could　garner？　wouldnt　i　take　some　now；　to　put　them　back　ashore？　theyd　have　the　law　on　me；　they　had　powerful　friends；　they　knew　the　pope　and　the　king　of　this　and　the　duke　of　that；　they　were　in　a　position　to　see　i　was　punished　and　chastised。。。　but　they　knew　what　the　truth　was　in　the　end：　the　only　position　they　were　in　was　in　my　boat　going　to　the　land　of　the　dead；　and　as　for　those　kings　and　popes；　theyd　be　in　here；　too；　in　their　turn；　sooner　than　they　wanted。

i　let　em　cry　and　rave；　they　cant　hurt　me；　they　fall　silent　in　the　end。

〃so　if　you　dont　know　whether　youre　dead　or　not；　and　the　little　girl　swears　blind　shell　e　out　again　to　the　living；　i　say　nothing　to　contradict　you。　what　you　are；　youll　know　soon　enough。〃

all　the　time　he　had　been　steadily　rowing　along　the　shore；　and　now　he　shipped　the　oars；　slipping　the　handles　down　inside　the　boat　and　reaching　out　to　his　right　for　the　first　wooden　post　that　rose　out　of　the　lake。

he　pulled　the　boat　alongside　the　narrow　wharf　and　held　it　still　for　them。　lyra　didnt　want　to　get　out：　as　long　as　she　was　near　the　boat；　then　pantalaimon　would　be　able　to　think　of　her　properly；　because　that　was　how　he　last　saw　her；　but　when　she　moved　away　from　it；　he　wouldnt　know　how　to　picture　her　anymore。　so　she　hesitated；　but　the　dragonflies　flew　up；　and　will　got　out；　pale　and　clutching　his　chest；　so　she　had　to　as　well。

〃thank　you；〃　she　said　to　the　boatman。　〃when　you　go　back；　if　you　see　my　daemon；　tell　him　i　love　him　the　best　of　everything　in　the　land　of　the　living　or　the　dead；　and　i　swear　ill　e　back　to　him；　even　if　no　ones　ever　done　it　before；　i　swear　i　will。〃

〃yes；　ill　tell　him　that；〃　said　the　old　boatman。

he　pushed　off；　and　the　sound　of　his　slow　oar　strokes　faded　away　in　the　mist。

the　gallivespians　flew　back；　having　gone　a　little　way；　and　perched　on　the　childrens　shoulders　as　before；　she　on　lyra；　he　on　will。　so　they　stood；　the　travelers；　at　the　edge　of　the　land　of　the　dead。　ahead　of　them　there　was　nothing　but　mist；　though　they　could　see　from　the　darkening　of　it　that　a　great　wall　rose　in　front　of　them。

lyra　shivered。　she　felt　as　if　her　skin　had　turned　into　lace　and　the　damp　and　hitter　air　could　flow　in　and　out　of　her　ribs；　scaldingly　cold　on　the　raw　wound　where　pantalaimon　had　been。　still；　she　thought；　roger　must　have　felt　like　that　as　he　plunged　down　the　mountainside；　trying　to　cling　to　her　desperate　fingers。

they　stood　still　and　listened。　the　only　sound　was　an　endless　drip…drip…drip　of　water　from　the　leaves；　and　as　they　looked　up；　they　felt　one　or　two　drops　splash　coldly　on　their　cheeks。

〃cant　stay　here；〃　said　lyra。

they　moved　off　the　wharf；　keeping　close　together；　and　made　their　way　to　the　wall。　gigantic　stone　blocks；　green　with　ancient　slime；　rose　higher　into　the　mist　than　they　could　see。　and　now　that　they　were　closer；　they　could　hear　the　sound　of　cries　behind　it；　though　whether　they　were　human　voices　crying　was　impossible　to　tell：　high；　mournful　shrieks　and　wails　that　hung　in　the　air　like　the　drifting　filaments　of　a　jellyfish；　causing　pain　wherever　they　touched。

〃theres　a　door；〃　said　will　in　a　hoarse；　strained　voice。

it　was　a　battered　wooden　postern　under　a　slab　of　stone。　before　will　could　lift　his　hand　and　open　it；　one　of　those　high；　harsh　cries　sounded　very　close　by；　jarring　their　ears　and　frightening　them　horribly。

immediately　the　gallivespians　darted　into　the　air；　the　dragonflies　like　little　warhorses　eager　for　battle。　but　the　thing　that　flew　down　swept　them　aside　with　a　brutal　blow　from　her　wing；　and　then　settled　heavily　on　a　ledge　just　above　the　childrens　heads。　tialys　and　salmakia　gathered　themselves　and　soothed　their　shaken　mounts。

the　thing　was　a　great　bird　the　size　of　a　vulture；　with　the　face　and　breasts　of　a　woman。　will　had　seen　pictures　of　creatures　like　her；　and　the　word　harpy　came　to　mind　as　soon　as　he　saw　her　clearly。　her　face　was

smooth　and　unwrinkled；　but　aged　beyond　even　the　age　of　the　witches：　she　had　seen　thousands　of　years　pass；　and　the　cruelty　and　misery　of　all　of　them　had　formed　the　hateful　expression　on　her　features。　but　as　the　travelers　saw　her　more　clearly；　she　became　even　more　repulsive。　her　eye　sockets　were　clotted　with　filthy　slime；　and　the　redness　of　her　lips　was　caked　and　crusted　as　if　she　had　vomited　ancient　blood　again　and　again。　her　matted；　filthy　black　hair　hung　down　to　her　shoulders；　her　jagged　claws　gripped　the　stone　fiercely；　her　powerful　dark　wings　were　folded　along　her　back；　and　a　drift　of　putrescent　stink　wafted　from　her　every　time　she　moved。

will　and　lyra；　both　of　them　sick