And Now, And Here- 第8部分

we　kept　laughing　and　asked；　hows　the　cold　ram？〃　

he　would　say；　〃ram　was　walking　on　the　street　and　some　people　began　swearing　at　him。

we　had　a　belly　laugh　and　said；　how　do　you　like　the　swearing；　ram？　if　you　seek　honor；　you　are　bound　to　meet　with　insult。

〃　when　people　asked；　〃who　are　you　talking　about；　which　ram？〃　he　would　point　to　himself。

you　will　have　to　start　experimenting　with　minor　kinds　of　miseries。

you　encounter　them　every　day　in　life；　they　are　present　every　day　……　not　only　miseries；　you　will　have　to　include　happiness　in　the　experiment　also；　because　it　is　more　difficult　to　be　aware　in　happiness　than　it　is　to　be　in　misery。

it　is　not　so　difficult　to　experience　that　your　head　and　the　pain　in　it　are　two　separate　things；　but　it　is　more　difficult　to　experience　that；　〃the　body　is　separate　and　the　joy　of　being　healthy　is　separate　from　me　too　……　i　am　not　even　that。

〃　it　is　difficult　to　maintain　this　distance　when　we　are　happy　because　in　happiness　we　like　to　be　close　to　it。

while　in　misery；　we　obviously　want　to　feel　separate；　away　from　it。

should　it　bee　certain　that　the　pain　is　separate　from　us；　we　want　it　to　stay　that　way　so　we　can　be　free　of　it。

you　will　have　to　experiment　on　how　to　remain　aware　in　misery　as　well　as　in　happiness。

one　who　carries　out　such　experiments　often　brings　misery　upon　himself；　of　his　own　free　will；　in　order　to　experience　it。

this　is　basically　the　secret　of　all　asceticism：　it　is　an　experiment　to　undergo　voluntary　pain。

for　example；　a　man　is　on　a　fast。

by　remaining　hungry　he　is　trying　to　find　out　what　effect　hunger　has　on　his　consciousness。

ordinarily；　a　person　who　is　on　a　fast　hasnt　the　slightest　notion　of　what　he　is　doing　……　he　only　knows　that　he　is　hungry　and　looks　forward　to　having　his　meal　the　next　day。

the　fundamental　purpose　of　fasting　is　to　experience　that；　〃hunger　is　there；　but　it　is　far　away　from　me。

the　body　is　hungry；　i　am　not。

〃　so　by　inducing　hunger　voluntarily；　one　is　trying　to　know；　from　within；　if　hunger　is　there。

ram　is　hungry　……　i　am　not　hungry。

i　know　hunger　is　there；　and　this　has　to　bee　a　continuous　knowing　until　i　reach　a　point　where　a　distance　occurs　between　me　and　the　hunger　……　where　i　no　longer　remain　hungry　……　even　in　hunger　i　no　longer　remain　hungry。

only　the　body　stays　hungry　and　i　know　it。

i　simply　remain　a　knower。

then　the　meaning　of　fasting　bees　very　profound；　then　it　does　not　mean　merely　remaining　hungry。

normally；　one　who　goes　on　a　fast　keeps　repeating　twenty…four　hours　a　day　that　he　is　hungry；　that　he　has　not　eaten　any　food　that　day。

his　mind　continues　to　fantasize　about　the　food　he　will　eat　the　next　day　and　plans　for　it。

this　kind　of　fasting　is　meaningless。

then　it　is　merely　abstaining　from　food。

the　distinction　between　abstaining　from　food　and　fasting；　upvasa；　is　this：　fasting　means　residing　closer　and　closer。

closer　to　what？　it　means　ing　closer　to　the　self　by　creating　a　distance　from　the　body。

the　word　upvasa　does　not　imply　going　without　food。

upvasa　means　residing　closer　and　closer。

closer　to　what？　it　means　closer　to　the　self；　residing　closer　to　the　self　and　further　away　from　the　body。

then　it　is　also　possible　that　a　man　may　eat　and　yet　remain　in　the　state　of　fasting。

if；　while　eating；　he　knows　from　within　that　eating　is　taking　place　elsewhere　and　the　consciousness　is　totally　separate　from　the　act；　then　it　is　upvasa。

and　it　is　also　possible　that　a　man　may　not　really　be　fasting　even　though　he　may　have　denied　himself　food；　for　he　may　be　too　conscious　of　being　hungry；　that　he　is　dying　of　hunger。

upvasa　is　a　psychological　awareness　of　the　separation　of　the　self　and　the　physical　state　of　hunger。

other　pains　of　a　similar　type　can　also　be　created　voluntarily；　but　creating　such　voluntary　pain　is　a　very　deep　experiment。

a　man　may　lie　on　thorns　just　to　experience　that　the　thorns　only　prick　the　body　and　not　his　self。

thus　a　misery　can　be　invited　in　order　to　experience　the　disassociation　of　consciousness　from　the　physical　plane。

but　there　are　already　enough　uninvited　miseries　in　the　world　……　no　need　to　invite　any　more。

already　much　misery　is　available　……　one　should　start　experimenting　with　it。

miseries　e　uninvited　anyway。

if；　during　the　uninvited　misery；　one　can　maintain　the　awareness　that　〃i　am　separate　from　my　suffering〃　then　the　suffering　bees　a　sadhana；　a　spiritual　discipline。

one　will　have　to　continue　this　sadhana　even　with　happiness　which　has　e　on　its　own。

in　suffering；　it　is　possible　we　may　succeed　in　deceiving　ourselves　because　one　would　like　to　believe　that　〃i　am　not　pain。

〃　but　when　it　es　to　happiness；　a　man　wants　to　identify　himself　with　it　because　he　already　believes　that　〃i　am　happy。

〃　hence　the　sadhana　is　even　more　difficult　with　happiness。

nothing；　in　fact；　is　more　painful　than　feeling　that　we　are　separate　from　our　happiness。

actually；　a　man　wants　to　drown　himself　pletely　in　happiness　and　forget　that　he　is　separate　from　it。

happiness　drowns　us；　misery　disconnects　us　and　sets　us　apart　from　the　self。

somehow；　we　e　to　believe　that　our　identification　with　suffering　is　only　because　we　have　no　other　choice；　but　we　wele　happiness　with　our　whole　being。

be　aware　in　the　pain　which　es　your　way；　be　aware　in　the　happiness　which　es　your　way　……　and　occasionally；　just　as　an　experiment；　be　aware　in　invited　pain　also；　because　in　it；　things　are　a　little　different。

we　can　never　fully　identify　ourselves　with　anything　we　invite　upon　ourselves。

the　very　knowledge　that　it　is　an　invited　thing　creates　the　distance。

the　guest　who　es　to　your　home　does　not　belong　there　……　he　is　a　guest。

similarly；　when　we　invite　suffering　as　our　guest；　it　is　already　something　separate　from　us。

while　walking　barefoot　a　thorn　gets　into　your　foot。

this　is　an　accident　and　its　pain　will　be　overwhelming。

this　unfortunate　accident　is　different　from　when　you　purposely　take　a　thorn　and　press　it　against　your　foot　……　knowing　every　moment　that　you　are　piercing　the　foot　with　the　thorn　and　watching　the　pain。

i　am　not　asking　you　to　go　ahead　and　torture　yourself；　as　it　is；　there　is　enough　suffering　already　……　what　i　mean　is：　first　be　alert　in　going　through　both　suffering　and　happiness；　then　later；　one　day；　invite　some　misery　and　see　how　far　away　from　it　you　can　set　your　consciousness。

remember；　the　experiment　of　inviting　misery　is　of　great　significance；　because　everyone　wants　to　invite　happiness　but　no　one　wants　to　invite　misery。

and　the　interesting　thing　is　that　the　misery　we　dont　want　es　on　its　own；　and　the　happiness　we　seek　never　es。

even　when　it　es　by　chance；　it　remains　outside　our　door。

the　happiness　we　beckon　to　never　es；　while　the　happiness　we　never　ask　for　walks　right　in。

when　a　person　gathers　enough　strength　to　invite　misery；　it　means　he　is　so　happy　that　he　can　invite　suffering　now。

he　is　so　blissful　that　now　there　is　no　difficulty　for　him　to　invite　suffering。

now　misery　can　be　asked　to　e　and　stay。

but　this　is　a　very　deep　experiment。

until　we　are　prepared　to　undertake　such　an　experiment；　we　must　try　to　bee　aware　of　whatever　suffering　es　our　way　on　its　own。

if　we　go　on　being　more　and　more　aware　each　time　we　e　across　misery；　we　will　gather　enough　capability　to　remain　conscious　even　when　death　arrives。

then　nature　will　allow　us　to　stay　awake　in　death　too。

nature；　as　well；　will　figure　that　if　the　man　can　stay　conscious　in　pain；　he　can　also　remain　conscious　in　death。

no　one　can　stay　conscious　in　death　all　of　a　sudden；　without　having　had　a　previous　experience　of　the　kind。

a　man　named　p。

d。

ouspensky　died　some　years　ago。

he　was　a　great　mathematician　from　russia。

he　is　the　only　person　in　this　century　who　has　done　such　extensive　experiments　in　relation　to　death。

three　months　before　his　death；　he　became　very　ill。

the　physicians　advised　him　to　stay　in　bed；　but　in　spite　of　this；　he　made　such　an　incredible　effort　it　is　beyond　imagination。

he　would　not　sleep　at　night；　he　traveled；　walked；　ran；　was　always　on　the　move。

the　physicians　were　aghast；　they　said　he　needed　plete　rest。

ouspensky　called　all　his　close　friends　near　him　but　did　not　say　anything　to　them。

the　friends　who　stayed　with　him　for　three　months；　until　his　death；　have　said　that　for　the　first　time　they　saw；　before　their　eyes；　a　man　accepting　death　in　a　conscious　state。

they　asked　him　why　did　he　not　follow　the　physicians　advice。

ouspensky　replied；　〃i　want　to　experience　all　kinds　of　pain；　lest　the　pain　of　death　be　so　great　that　i　might　bee　unconscious。

i　want　to　go　through　every　pain　before　death；　that　can　create　such　a　stamina　in　me　that　i　can　be　totally　conscious　when　death　es。

〃　so　for　three　months　he　made　an　exemplary　effort　to　go　through　all　kinds　of　pain。

his　friends　have　written　that　those　who　were　fit　and　hearty　would　get　tired；　but　not　ouspensky。

the　physicians　insisted　that　he　must　have　plete　rest；　otherwise　it　would　cause　him　great　harm　……　but　to　no　avail。

the　night　he　died；　ouspensky　kept　walking　back　and　forth　in　his　room。

the　physicians　who　examined　him　declared　that　his　legs　had　no　more　strength　left　to　walk　……　and　yet　he　kept　walking　the　whole　night。

he　said；　〃i　want　to　die　walking；　lest　i　might　di