《Jane Eyre》

下载本书

添加书签

Jane Eyre- 第5部分


按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!

“what made you ill yesterday?”

“she had a fall;” said bessie; again putting in her word。

“fall! why; that is like a baby again! can’t she manage to walk at her age? she must be eight or nine years old。”

“i was knocked down;” was the blunt explanation; jerked out of me by another pang of mortified pride; “but that did not make me ill;” i added; while mr。 lloyd helped himself to a pinch of snuff。

as he was returning the box to his waistcoat pocket; a loud bell rang for the servants’ dinner; he knew what it was。 “that’s for you; nurse;” said he; “you can go down; i’ll give miss jane a lecture till you e back。”

bessie would rather have stayed; but she was obliged to go; because punctuality at meals was rigidly enforced at gateshead hall。

“the fall did not make you ill; what did; then?” pursued mr。 lloyd when bessie was gone。

“i was shut up in a room where there is a ghost till after dark。”

i saw mr。 lloyd smile and frown at the same time。

“ghost! what; you are a baby after all! you are afraid of ghosts?”

“of mr。 reed’s ghost i am: he died in that room; and was laid out there。 neither bessie nor any one else will go into it at night; if they can help it; and it was cruel to shut me up alone without a candle;—so cruel that i think i shall never forget it。”

“nonsense! and is it that makes you so miserable? are you afraid now in daylight?”

“no: but night will e again before long: and besides;—i am unhappy;—very unhappy; for other things。”

“what other things? can you tell me some of them?”

how much i wished to reply fully to this question! how difficult it was to frame any answer! children can feel; but they cannot analyse their feelings; and if the analysis is partially effected in thought; they know not how to express the result of the process in words。 fearful; however; of losing this first and only opportunity of relieving my grief by imparting it; i; after a disturbed pause; contrived to frame a meagre; though; as far as it went; true response。

“for one thing; i have no father or mother; brothers or sisters。”

“you have a kind aunt and cousins。”

again i paused; then bunglingly enounced—

“but john reed knocked me down; and my aunt shut me up in the red… room。”

mr。 lloyd a second time produced his snuff…box。

“don’t you think gateshead hall a very beautiful house?” asked he。 “are you not very thankful to have such a fine place to live at?”

“it is not my house; sir; and abbot says i have less right to be here than a servant。”

“pooh! you can’t be silly enough to wish to leave such a splendid place?”

“if i had anywhere else to go; i should be glad to leave it; but i can never get away from gateshead till i am a woman。”

“perhaps you may—who knows? have you any relations besides mrs。 reed?”

“i think not; sir。”

“none belonging to your father?”

“i don’t know。 i asked aunt reed once; and she said possibly i might have some poor; low relations called eyre; but she knew nothing about them。”

“if you had such; would you like to go to them?”

i reflected。 poverty looks grim to grown people; still more so to children: they have not much idea of industrious; working; respectable poverty; they think of the word only as connected with ragged clothes; scanty food; fireless grates; rude manners; and debasing vices: poverty for me was synonymous with degradation。

“no; i should not like to belong to poor people;” was my reply。

“not even if they were kind to you?”

i shook my head: i could not see how poor people had the means of being kind; and then to learn to speak like them; to adopt their manners; to be uneducated; to grow up like one of the poor women i saw sometimes nursing their children or washing their clothes at the cottage doors of the village of gateshead: no; i was not heroic enough to purchase liberty at the price of caste。

“but are your relatives so very poor? are they working people?”

“i cannot tell; aunt。 reed says if i have any; they must be a beggarly set: i should not like to go a begging。”

“would you like to go to school?”

again i reflected: i scarcely knew what school was: bessie sometimes spoke of it as a place where young ladies sat in the stocks; wore backboards; and were expected to be exceedingly genteel and precise: john reed hated his school; and abused his master; but john reed’s tastes were no rule for mine; and if bessie’s accounts of school…discipline (gathered from the young ladies of a family where she had lived before ing to gateshead) were somewhat appalling; her details of certain acplishments attained by these same young ladies were; i thought; equally attractive。 she boasted of beautiful paintings of landscapes and flowers by them executed; of songs they could sing and pieces they could play; of purses they could net; of french books they could translate; till my spirit was moved to emulation as i listened。 besides; school would be a plete change: it implied a long journey; an entire separation from gateshead; an entrance into a new life。

“i should indeed like to go to school;” was the audible conclusion of my musings。

“well; well! who knows what may happen?” said mr。 lloyd; as he got up。 “the child ought to have change of air and scene;” he added; speaking to himself; “nerves not in a good state。”

bessie now returned; at the same moment the carriage was heard rolling up the gravel…walk。

“is that your mistress; nurse?” asked mr。 lloyd。 “i should like to speak to her before i go。”

bessie invited him to walk into the breakfast…room; and led the way out。 in the interview which followed between him and mrs。 reed; i presume; from after…occurrences; that the apothecary ventured to remend my being sent to school; and the remendation was no doubt readily enough adopted; for as abbot said; in discussing the subject with bessie when both sat sewing in the nursery one night; after i was in bed; and; as they thought; asleep; “missis was; she dared say; glad enough to get rid of such a tiresome; ill… conditioned child; who always looked as if she were watching everybody; and scheming plots underhand。” abbot; i think; gave me credit for being a sort of infantine guy fawkes。

on that same occasion i learned; for the first time; from miss abbot’s munications to bessie; that my father had been a poor clergyman; that my mother had married him against the wishes of her friends; who considered the match beneath her; that my grandfather reed was so irritated at her disobedience; he cut her off without a shilling; that after my mother and father had been married a year; the latter caught the typhus fever while visiting among the poor of a large manufacturing town where his curacy was situated; and where that disease was then prevalent: that my mother took the infection from him; and both died within a month of each other。

bessie; when she heard this narrative; sighed and said; “poor miss jane is to be pitied; too; abbot。”

“yes;” responded abbot; “if she were a nice; pretty child; one might passionate her forlornness; but one really cannot care for such a little toad as that。”

“not a great deal; to be sure;” agreed bessie: “at any rate; a beauty like miss georgiana would be more moving in the same condition。”

“yes; i doat on miss georgiana!” cried the fervent abbot。 “little darling!—with her long curls and her blue eyes; and such a sweet colour as she has; just as if she were painted!—bessie; i could fancy a welsh rabbit for supper。”

“so could i—with a roast onion。 e; we’ll go down。” they went。

。。!



Chapter 4

/小。说+
from my discourse with mr。 lloyd; and from the above reported conference between bessie and abbot; i gathered enough of hope to suffice as a motive for wishing to get well: a change seemed near;—i desired and waited it in silence。 it tarried; however: days and weeks passed: i had regained my normal state of health; but no new allusion was made to the subject over which i brooded。 mrs。 reed surveyed me at times with a severe eye; but seldom addressed me: since my illness; she had drawn a more marked line of separation than ever between me and her own children; appointing me a small closet to sleep in by myself; condemning me to take my meals alone; and pass all my time in the nursery; while my cousins were constantly in the drawing…room。 not a hint; however; did she drop about sending me to school: still i felt an instinctive certainty that she would not long endure me under the same roof with her; for her glance; now more than ever; when turned on me; expressed an insuperable and rooted aversion。

eliza and georgiana; evidently acting according to orders; spoke to me as little as possible: john thrust his tongue in his cheek whenever he saw me; and once attempted chastisement; but as i instantly turned against him; roused by the same sentiment of deep ire and desperate revolt which had stirred my corruption before; he thought it better to desist; and ran from me tittering execrations; and vowing i had burst his nose。 i had indeed levelled at that prominent feature as hard a blow as my knuckles could inflict; and when i saw that either that or my look daunted him; i had t
小提示:按 回车 [Enter] 键 返回书目,按 ← 键 返回上一页, 按 → 键 进入下一页。 赞一下 添加书签加入书架