Jane Eyre- 第43部分

lady　lynn　had　remarked；　“it　is　mr。　rochester’s　ward；　i　suppose—the　little　french　girl　he　was　speaking　of。”

mrs。　dent　had　kindly　taken　her　hand；　and　given　her　a　kiss。

amy　and　louisa　eshton　had　cried　out　simultaneously—“what　a　love　of　a　child！”

and　then　they　had　called　her　to　a　sofa；　where　she　now　sat；　ensconced　between　them；　chattering　alternately　in　french　and　broken　english；　absorbing　not　only　the　young　ladies’　attention；　but　that　of　mrs。　eshton　and　lady　lynn；　and　getting　spoilt　to　her　heart’s　content。

at　last　coffee　is　brought　in；　and　the　gentlemen　are　summoned。　i　sit　in　the　shade—if　any　shade　there　be　in　this　brilliantly…lit　apartment；　the　window…curtain　half　hides　me。　again　the　arch　yawns；　they　e。　the　collective　appearance　of　the　gentlemen；　like　that　of　the　ladies；　is　very　imposing：　they　are　all　costumed　in　black；　most　of　them　are　tall；　some　young。　henry　and　frederick　lynn　are　very　dashing　sparks　indeed；　and　colonel　dent　is　a　fine　soldierly　man。　mr。　eshton；　the　magistrate　of　the　district；　is　gentleman…like：　his　hair　is　quite　white；　his　eyebrows　and　whiskers　still　dark；　which　gives　him　something　of　the　appearance　of　a　“père　noble　de　théatre。”　lord　ingram；　like　his　sisters；　is　very　tall；　like　them；　also；　he　is　handsome；　but　he　shares　mary’s　apathetic　and　listless　look：　he　seems　to　have　more　length　of　limb　than　vivacity　of　blood　or　vigour　of　brain。

and　where　is　mr。　rochester？

he　es　in　last：　i　am　not　looking　at　the　arch；　yet　i　see　him　enter。　i　try　to　concentrate　my　attention　on　those　netting…needles；　on　the　meshes　of　the　purse　i　am　forming—i　wish　to　think　only　of　the　work　i　have　in　my　hands；　to　see　only　the　silver　beads　and　silk　threads　that　lie　in　my　lap；　whereas；　i　distinctly　behold　his　figure；　and　i　inevitably　recall　the　moment　when　i　last　saw　it；　just　after　i　had　rendered　him；　what　he　deemed；　an　essential　service；　and　he；　holding　my　hand；　and　looking　down　on　my　face；　surveyed　me　with　eyes　that　revealed　a　heart　full　and　eager　to　overflow；　in　whose　emotions　i　had　a　part。　how　near　had　i　approached　him　at　that　moment！　what　had　occurred　since；　calculated　to　change　his　and　my　relative　positions？　yet　now；　how　distant；　how　far　estranged　we　were！　so　far　estranged；　that　i　did　not　expect　him　to　e　and　speak　to　me。　i　did　not　wonder；　when；　without　looking　at　me；　he　took　a　seat　at　the　other　side　of　the　room；　and　began　conversing　with　some　of　the　ladies。

no　sooner　did　i　see　that　his　attention　was　riveted　on　them；　and　that　i　might　gaze　without　being　observed；　than　my　eyes　were　drawn　involuntarily　to　his　face；　i　could　not　keep　their　lids　under　control：　they　would　rise；　and　the　irids　would　fix　on　him。　i　looked；　and　had　an　acute　pleasure　in　looking；—a　precious　yet　poignant　pleasure；　pure　gold；　with　a　steely　point　of　agony：　a　pleasure　like　what　the　thirst…perishing　man　might　feel　who　knows　the　well　to　which　he　has　crept　is　poisoned；　yet　stoops　and　drinks　divine　draughts　nevertheless。

most　true　is　it　that　“beauty　is　in　the　eye　of　the　gazer。”　my　master’s　colourless；　olive　face；　square；　massive　brow；　broad　and　jetty　eyebrows；　deep　eyes；　strong　features；　firm；　grim　mouth；—all　energy；　decision；　will；—were　not　beautiful；　according　to　rule；　but　they　were　more　than　beautiful　to　me；　they　were　full　of　an　interest；　an　influence　that　quite　mastered　me；—that　took　my　feelings　from　my　own　power　and　fettered　them　in　his。　i　had　not　intended　to　love　him；　the　reader　knows　i　had　wrought　hard　to　extirpate　from　my　soul　the　germs　of　love　there　detected；　and　now；　at　the　first　renewed　view　of　him；　they　spontaneously　arrived；　green　and　strong！　he　made　me　love　him　without　looking　at　me。

i　pared　him　with　his　guests。　what　was　the　gallant　grace　of　the　lynns；　the　languid　elegance　of　lord　ingram；—even　the　military　distinction　of　colonel　dent；　contrasted　with　his　look　of　native　pith　and　genuine　power？　i　had　no　sympathy　in　their　appearance；　their　expression：　yet　i　could　imagine　that　most　observers　would　call　them　attractive；　handsome；　imposing；　while　they　would　pronounce　mr。　rochester　at　once　harsh…featured　and　melancholy…looking。　i　saw　them　smile；　laugh—it　was　nothing；　the　light　of　the　candles　had　as　much　soul　in　it　as　their　smile；　the　tinkle　of　the　bell　as　much　significance　as　their　laugh。　i　saw　mr。　rochester　smile：…　his　stern　features　softened；　his　eye　grew　both　brilliant　and　gentle；　its　ray　both　searching　and　sweet。　he　was　talking；　at　the　moment；　to　louisa　and　amy　eshton。　i　wondered　to　see　them　receive　with　calm　that　look　which　seemed　to　me　so　penetrating：　i　expected　their　eyes　to　fall；　their　colour　to　rise　under　it；　yet　i　was　glad　when　i　found　they　were　in　no　sense　moved。　“he　is　not　to　them　what　he　is　to　me；”　i　thought：　“he　is　not　of　their　kind。　i　believe　he　is　of　mine；—i　am　sure　he　is—i　feel　akin　to　him—i　understand　the　language　of　his　countenance　and　movements：　though　rank　and　wealth　sever　us　widely；　i　have　something　in　my　brain　and　heart；　in　my　blood　and　nerves；　that　assimilates　me　mentally　to　him。　did　i　say；　a　few　days　since；　that　i　had　nothing　to　do　with　him　but　to　receive　my　salary　at　his　hands？　did　i　forbid　myself　to　think　of　him　in　any　other　light　than　as　a　paymaster？　blasphemy　against　nature！　every　good；　true；　vigorous　feeling　i　have　gathers　impulsively　round　him。　i　know　i　must　conceal　my　sentiments：　i　must　smother　hope；　i　must　remember　that　he　cannot　care　much　for　me。　for　when　i　say　that　i　am　of　his　kind；　i　do　not　mean　that　i　have　his　force　to　influence；　and　his　spell　to　attract；　i　mean　only　that　i　have　certain　tastes　and　feelings　in　mon　with　him。　i　must；　then；　repeat　continually　that　we　are　for　ever　sundered：…　and　yet；　while　i　breathe　and　think；　i　must　love　him。”

coffee　is　handed。　the　ladies；　since　the　gentlemen　entered；　have　bee　lively　as　larks；　conversation　waxes　brisk　and　merry。　colonel　dent　and　mr。　eshton　argue　on　politics；　their　wives　listen。　the　two　proud　dowagers；　lady　lynn　and　lady　ingram；　confabulate　together。　sir　george—whom；　by…the…bye；　i　have　forgotten　to　describe；—a　very　big；　and　very　fresh…looking　country　gentleman；　stands　before　their　sofa；　coffee…cup　in　hand；　and　occasionally　puts　in　a　word。　mr。　frederick　lynn　has　taken　a　seat　beside　mary　ingram；　and　is　showing　her　the　engravings　of　a　splendid　volume：　she　looks；　smiles　now　and　then；　but　apparently　says　little。　the　tall　and　phlegmatic　lord　ingram　leans　with　folded　arms　on　the　chair…back　of　the　little　and　lively　amy　eshton；　she　glances　up　at　him；　and　chatters　like　a　wren：　she　likes　him　better　than　she　does　mr。　rochester。　henry　lynn　has　taken　possession　of　an　ottoman　at　the　feet　of　louisa：　adèle　shares　it　with　him：　he　is　trying　to　talk　french　with　her；　and　louisa　laughs　at　his　blunders。　with　whom　will　blanche　ingram　pair？　she　is　standing　alone　at　the　table；　bending　gracefully　over　an　album。　she　seems　waiting　to　be　sought；　but　she　will　not　wait　too　long：　she　herself　selects　a　mate。

mr。　rochester；　having　quitted　the　eshtons；　stands　on　the　hearth　as　solitary　as　she　stands　by　the　table：　she　confronts　him；　taking　her　station　on　the　opposite　side　of　the　mantelpiece。

“mr。　rochester；　i　thought　you　were　not　fond　of　children？”

“nor　am　i。”

“then；　what　induced　you　to　take　charge　of　such　a　little　doll　as　that？”　（pointing　to　adèle）。　“where　did　you　pick　her　up？”

“i　did　not　pick　her　up；　she　was　left　on　my　hands。”

“you　should　have　sent　her　to　school。”

“i　could　not　afford　it：　schools　are　so　dear。”

“why；　i　suppose　you　have　a　governess　for　her：　i　saw　a　person　with　her　just　now—is　she　gone？　oh；　no！　there　she　is　still；　behind　the　window…curtain。　you　pay　her；　of　course；　i　should　think　it　quite　as　expensive；—more　so；　for　you　have　them　both　to　keep　in　addition。”

i　feared—or　should　i　say；　hoped？—the　allusion　to　me　would　make　mr。　rochester　glance　my　way；　and　i　involuntarily　shrank　farther　into　the　shade：　but　he　never　turned　his　eyes。

“i　have　not　considered　the　subject；”　said　he　indifferently；　looking　straight　before　him。

“no；　you　men　never　do　consider　economy　and　mon　sense。　you　should　hear　mama　on　the　chapter　of　governesses：　mary　and　i　have　had；　i　should　think；　a　dozen　at　least　in　our　day；　half　of　them　detestable　and　the　rest　ridiculous；　and　all　incubi—were　they　not；　mama？”

“did　you　speak；　my　own？”

the　young　lady　thus　claimed　as　the　dowager’s　special　property；　reiterated　her　question　with　an　explanation。

“my　dearest；　don’t　mention　governesses；　the　word　makes　me　nervous。　i　have　suffered　a　martyrdom　from　their　inpetency　and　caprice。　i　thank　heaven　i　have　now　done　with　them！”

mrs。　dent　here　bent　over　to　the　pious　lady　and　whispered　something　in　her　ear；　i　suppose；　from　the　answer　elicited；　it　was　a　reminder　that　one　of　the　anathematised　race　was　present。

“tant　pis！”　said　her　ladyship；　“i　hope　it　may　do　her　good！”　then；　in　a　lower　tone；　but　still　loud　enough　for　me　to　hear；　“i　noticed　her；　i　am　a　judge　of　physiognomy；　and　in　hers　i　see　all　the　faults　of　her　class。”

“what　are　they；　madam？”　inquired　mr。　rochester　aloud。

“i　will　tell　you　in　your　private　ear；”　replied　she；　wagging　her　turban　three　times　with　portentous　significancy。

“but　my　curiosity　will　be　past　its　appetite；　it　craves　food　now。”

“ask　blanche；　she　is　nearer　you　than　i。”

“oh；　don’t　refer　him　to　me；　mama